Miracles surround us. Life is a miracle. 

Birth is a miracle.

Every child is a miracle. 
Today, I am grateful for my rainbow miracle. I am excited to experience the miracle of childbirth once more. I wait patiently as I bond with my baby and watch her grow. I feel blessed to watch my family bond with her too. She has been moving so much lately; it’s incredible to be able to see her move inside of me. Today, I was able to see her leg move across my belly. These are the moments to cherish and hold on to. I am grateful I captured this moment on video. 

Click HERE to watch the video.
#Miracles #CherishMoments #StayStrong❤️

Painful Reminder

I was at the store today looking at books and when I saw this, my heart sank. Bella is about to become a big sister. I should be talking to her about babies and teaching her what it means to be a big sister. I should be buying her dolls and watching her play with them as she practices taking care of her new baby. But I won’t ever have those opportunities and instead her baby sister will have to learn about Bella from me. That’s a difficult reality to accept. I wasn’t sure if I should buy the book or not, so of course I bought it. For Bella. The best big sister ever, in heaven. #StayStrong❤️

592 Days: Milestones from the Perspective of a Grieving Mother

This has been a challenging week as a grieving mother. I’ve been reading many posts about parents feeling sadness as they register their children for school. I read many posts about parents feeling sad that their children are growing up, but this week the sadness has been compounded. I should be registering Bella for school right now, too. But She won’t be starting school like other children her age. 

A child’s milestones are meant to be celebrated. It’s very exciting to watch our children grow up and learn new things. Some milestones are accompanied by sadness because time goes by too quickly, which is why it is so important to remain present in life. By practicing presence we heighten our experience and enhance the memory of that experience. After-all, what we are doing every moment is creating memories.
One milestone my children reached that was accompanied by a sinking feeling in my stomach was the 9-month mark. This was the point in their life where they existed longer in the outside world than they lived inside of me. At the time this signified to me that they were growing away from me. This illusion has now shifted and that sinking feeling is back. Sadness fills me as I sit here typing these words. The one milestone no parent ever expects to experience. These thoughts and feelings are nothing anyone should ever have to endure.
592 days. The number of days Bella lived. One year, 7 months and 15 days; the amount of time I had to get to know her. 14,208 hours; the amount of time I had to create memories with her. 852,480 minutes; the amount of time I had to show her how much I loved her. 51,148,800 seconds; the amount of opportunities I had to kiss her.
She has now been gone for 592 days. I have survived a whole year, 7 months and 13 days without her. I have been picking up broken pieces of my shattered heart for 14,208 hours. I have been aching for 852,480 minutes. I have been missing a piece of myself for 51,148,800 seconds. 
Tomorrow, I will wake up knowing that Bella has been gone longer than she lived. That thought is hard to swallow. 
Some milestones are meant to be celebrated. Other are painful reminders. Don’t waste your energy feeling sad when your child achieves an important milestone. Watching your children grow up is a blessing. Remember that some parents will never have those opportunities. Instead, be proud and practice gratitude.

A Letter To Struggling Parents

Dear Struggling Parent,

I know that being a parent is the hardest job in the world. It drains you, depleting you of all you have to give. But somehow when you feel there’s nothing left, you find a new reservoir to draw from. It’s the reservoir of love and it’s located deep in your heart.

Life is short and we never seem to have enough time. But when you’re struggling to breathe, it’s normal to take the little things for granted and wish time away. I was there and the time I thought I had was robbed from me in an instant. I try not to see this as time stolen but choose to see every moment I had with my daughter as a blessing. While I was struggling, what I saw was chaos. I stood in the middle of a tornado and watched the moments pass by. I looked forward to the day where my daughter would sleep through the night and be less dependent on me. I looked forward to the day life would be “easier” because it was just so hard to cope!

So away time went. And my wish was granted. My daughter is now asleep. Permanently. And now all I wish for is that chaotic life that I took for granted. I have been forced to learn some really tough lessons. I hope that by sharing some of what I have learned, I can help others who are struggling. So my advice to you is this:

1. Learn the art of self-care. Fill your cup, and make it a priority to keep that cup full because when this cup is empty, you have nothing left to give anyone else. Take care of yourself and do what you can to make sure your needs are met. It takes a community to raise a child so reach out for support when you need to. There are many community resources available for those in need.

2. Live in the moment. Be mindful and pay attention to what’s going on around you. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted, especially when it comes to your children. Give your children the gift of your presence. I promise they will thank you for it, and in return you will gain memories you would have otherwise missed out on.

3. Practice gratitude. Be grateful for all that you have. Find something to be thankful for every single day. Focus on these gifts! Remind yourself to be grateful for the difficult moments too because these moments are learning opportunities that allow us to grow. If life were always easy, we wouldn’t appreciate the good times as we would have nothing to compare them to. With every storm comes a rainbow, so focus on that rainbow!

4. Stop complaining! Complaining lowers your frequency and attracts more negativity. It’s like a vortex that sucks you in and is very difficult to escape from. It doesn’t solve anything and leads to increased negativity. This results in you feeling worse.

5. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are only human after-all. We all make mistakes and we all have areas we can improve on. Never stop trying to improve yourself and remember to reward your accomplishments. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, so remember to pat yourself on the back every once in a while.

No matter how difficult life is, live it in a way that you can be proud of. Our children grow up fast so enjoy the time you have with them. Don’t forget to stop and smell the flowers; inhale the sweet beauty of the miracles that surround you. Make the most of every moment and strive to live a life of no regrets. Remember that not everyone is fortunate enough to have time with their children, so treat these moments as blessings! Difficult times always pass and when you look back on your life years from now, you will be rewarded with beautiful memories!


A Grieving Mother