Month: January 2017

A Different Perspective on Negativity

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I have been reading a lot of posts on social media about “cutting negativity out of your life” and I want to offer a different perspective on this. My experiences have taught me a lot about negativity and I hope my perspective can open your eyes.

Sometimes “negativity” is one persons’ perception of a situation. The universal law states that it is our thoughts about a situation that creates our experience. If our perception is “negative,” then our thoughts about the situation will create a negative space. This negativity lowers our frequency and makes it challenging to see things from a higher perspective. This makes it easy to twist other people’s words into coming from a negative place even when it is not how they were intended. This is especially true when someone else’s point of view doesn’t align with our own perspective. Miscommunication is often the culprit, along with the unwillingness to see things from someone else’s perspective.

Sometimes we journey through life with the belief that we are a victim of circumstance, but in reality, it is our choices that created the difficulties we are experiencing. It is important to own up to our mistakes and be open to the perspective of others as sometimes our clouded vision does not allow us to see things as they really are. Rather than ask “What did I do to deserve this?” ask “How can I make this situation better?” Self-pity is never productive and blaming others gives away control of your situation. Once we understand that everything we experience in this life was created by our self, we open ourselves to our own ability to create a better reality. It’s in our control and no one else’s!

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Other people’s concern may be viewed as negative, but concern from people who genuinely love us and care about our wellbeing will come from a place of love and shouldn’t be dismissed. When we make decisions that are harmful to ourselves or harm those we love, we need to be prepared for the consequences of our actions; not perceived threats, but actual natural consequences. Reframing from a negative perspective, playing the role of the victim, placing blame on others, and lying to ourselves and others are all negative reactions. This negativity will breed until is it manifests. Falsely accusing others of abuse, neglect, harassment, etc, and threatening others will only breed more negativity and karma will ensure that you get in return what you put out in the universe. The truth always reveals itself in time!

Before cutting someone out of your life, evaluate your own thoughts about the situation. Some people are better left out of our circle, sometimes for their benefit, not our own. Sometimes our actions are what caused the negative reaction. Just because we are unable to see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. The truth is that our actions can have very damaging consequences on others and we are not always able or willing to see where we went wrong.

It’s easy to cut negativity out of your life, but severing ties with others doesn’t fix what is within ourselves. Often, negativity shows up in our life as a mirror image showing us what we need to work on within. Be open and honest with yourself. Stand up for your beliefs but also be open to the perspective of others. Protect yourself from people who want to harm you, but don’t be so quick to dismiss others as sometimes those we feel are against us will be the first to support us when life falls apart.

I’m not saying negativity is healthy or should be tolerated. I’m saying that sometimes it is misperceived. Don’t let others abuse you or those you love, take advantage of you or drag your image through the mud. Stand up for what you believe in, but keep in mind that what we see isn’t always what is there. Have the power to step out of the box and learn from the negativity rather than simply cut it out. Allow it to serve its purpose. Those who cause you harm will always get back what they’ve put out in the universe; this is cosmic law. Be patient and let fate take care of it.Remember, we are all responsible for creating our own reality! If you don’t like the reality you’ve created, make better choices and create a new reality.

Much love ❤️

#StayStrong

 

Waiting on Grief at Christmas

altcarter 2 Comments

Christmas is over, the new year is here, and I’m still waiting for grief to make her appearance. I have learned to embrace grief because she reminds me how important Bella was to me. In her absence, the reminder of love is replaced with guilt. I don’t understand why grief has remained absent this holiday season.

I knew it would be a different kind of Christmas this year, quieter than usual. Our focus was on our little family as it was our first Christmas that we were all together. It was Aria’s first Christmas and it was also our first Christmas with my youngest step-son. It was a beautiful love-filled day and seeing the excitement on the kids faces along with witnessing the love they have for one another was magical.

Christmas Day was also the anniversary of our engagement. Last year, Tom changed the meaning of Christmas for me by asking me to marry him. Christmas is now a day we celebrate us, our love, and the beautiful life we are creating together.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I surprised myself by founding joy in the little things. I enjoyed buying gifts for the kids every time I went into a store and I actually enjoyed wrapping gifts this year, something I used to find great pleasure in but haven’t enjoyed at all since Bella left.

Maybe this is a sign of healing. I am no longer certain that I can predict my grief, and even with this guilt that I feel, it’s much easier to deal with than a broken heart.

In the midst of grief, it may seem as though you will never find joy again. Christmas is an especially difficult time for anyone grieving as it is a time we focus on our family and when someone important is missing, it’s impossible to let it go! It’s a sad time for many…

But I’m here to offer hope. The holidays don’t have to be difficult forever!

For me, it was about finding a different focus at Christmas. Yes, Bella is missing in the physical sense, but her presence remains strong. She was playing with her sisters toys often throughout the holidays and we were often awoken in the middle of the night with a song coming from the toys in the living room. One night, the toys were rotating and as one song would end, another toy would begin playing a different song. This went on for quite some time. These occurrences remind us that Bella is still here.

For loss-parents (or anyone grieving) some days will be about survival and the focus will be getting through one moment at a time. But not every day will always be difficult. Not every Christmas will be difficult either. I’m thankful I have found another focus at Christmas and I hope that anyone who had a difficult holiday season this year can find a new focus next year.

As for my guilt, I understand that my lack of sadness cannot diminish the love I feel for Bella. It also doesn’t take away from how much I miss her and wish she was here. By accepting my reality and choosing to live a life of happiness, I am making myself and my family a priority. I’m sure grief will visit soon enough, but rather than try to understand her absence, I choose to accept and embrace this joy I feel. I’m certain that Bella doesn’t want me to feel sadness. She reminds me that “love heals,” and I am so blessed to be surrounded by love.