A Needed Reminder

I had an emotional moment in the store today. I haven’t heard from Bella in a while so this was very much appreciated as it was a reminder that she is always with me even when the signs are not so obvious. A few weeks before Aria was born, I found a gift certificate a friend had given Bella when she was born. I thought I had used it years ago. The store has since changed owners but I brought it in anyway and the owner signed it and said she would accept it. I decided that since it was Bella’s money, she would want to buy her baby sister something special with it. I went back to the store today feeling that the right gift would be there for Aria. It was hiding behind a picture frame and I almost didn’t see it (like Bella would let that happen). I knew right away it was exactly what Bella would have chosen.

To Aria, From Bella with Love

Because Aria is my little piece of heaven on earth.


Birth of a Rainbow Princess

The birthing process is truly miraculous. It’s empowering to bring life into the world; many women feel that after they give birth, they are capable of doing anything! Birth is beautiful and is an experience meant to be treasured.

I was fortunate to have three incredible and unique birthing experiences. After Bella’s “perfect birth,” my hopes for Aria’s birth were pretty high. I was prepared for the unexpected but hoped for the best. My wishes were to have a natural water birth, for my family to be present, for Aria’s daddy to “catch” her, and to have photos of her grand entrance. Realistically, I was just hoping we would make it to the hospital (which is over an hour away from our home). My previous labours were 3 hours with Hudson and 2 hours with Bella, and we were anticipating the possibility that this time may be even quicker.

We weren’t expecting to make it to my due date, but at 3 days overdue, I was beyond ready to meet our rainbow princess! I knew labour was approaching but I was hoping to remain at home until the following morning. Plans changed once my water broke since a snow storm was on the way and we really didn’t want to have this baby in the car. We decided to leave for the hospital and wait things out there. Road closures and terrible driving conditions proved we made the right decision; it was one long drive.

We arrived close to midnight, settled in and tried to get some rest. I couldn’t sleep as my contractions were getting stronger. I wasn’t in active labour yet but I woke Tom up because I didn’t want to be alone. I knew that things would likely progress very quickly. I wasn’t sure when to call my midwife or tell my family to make their way, still hoping baby would wait until morning. My contractions quickly went from 8 minutes apart to 4 minutes, and I could feel baby moving down inside of me. Just after 3:00 am, my sister and niece decided to leave (they were also over an hour away) and I called our midwife to come. I sent a text to my mom at 3:19 am that read “I think I might be in labour.” My contractions suddenly went from 4 minutes to 2 minutes apart and it wasn’t long before I was no longer able to track them. I could feel my bones in my pelvis cracking and moving apart. Baby was coming and it was happening fast! I was relieved that everyone was on their way.

Our midwife arrived 30 minutes later; she could see that I was in active labour and she worked quickly to get the pool set up. Tom was filling it with water by 4:00 am. Because I hemorrhaged after Bella’s delivery, we decided that I would have an IV lock put in incase there were any complications, which was done while the pool was filling.

At 4:10 am, I got in the pool. I was fully dilated and was told I could start pushing right away. Baby was coming but I wasn’t ready because my family still hadn’t arrived. I tried to hold baby in and kept asking Tom where they were but they weren’t responding to his messages. I couldn’t wait any longer and told Tom to “grab the good camera and record it.”

He was figuring out how to record video with my camera, something he had never done, when Aria came. At 4:18 am, in one big push, Aria came flying out of me! It shocked us all as it was so quick and unexpected. Thankfully, Tom was taking a “test” video and successfully recorded it.

Our midwife caught Aria and she began crying. She was passed to me immediately and as soon as I held her, time stood still. “She’s so beautiful!” I fell in love instantly. Our rainbow is here, finally! And she is absolutely perfect!


Goodbye Buddy

Grief is a universal experience and is something we must encounter numerous times in our life. Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy. 
Buddy wasn’t just a dog. He has been my sidekick since I graduated from University; my one constant. Him and I have been through a lot together as so much has happened in 12 years… 
Numerous moves, jobs, and relationships (although he only had one daddy). He was waiting at home when all three of my babies came home from the hospital. He was beside me when I met the love of my life and was with us when his daddy proposed to me. He was at our side when Bella passed. He was Bella’s dog too, and she loved him so much! Saying goodbye to him is like saying goodbye to another piece of her, which adds to the pain.
Our pets become such an important part of our lives. We love them unconditionally and the bond is everlasting. It’s impossible to understand the importance a pet has in a family unit unless you’ve been blessed with this type of love. The separation is comparable to that of a family member. Our pets are our babies too and I have always considered Buddy my first born son. I can’t say this compares to losing Bella. But it hurts. A lot. 
It is painful to watch a loved one deteriorate. You feel helpless but do what you can to keep them comfortable. The last month of Buddy’s life was our time to spoil him rotten, even more so than before. Knowing what was approaching allowed me to appreciate him more than I ever had. I take comfort in knowing we did all we could for him and that he knew nothing but love. I also take comfort in knowing he didn’t suffer for long. We really did the best we could for our little Buddy. The look on his face when we said goodbye attested to that. He passed showing us love and gratitude. This was such a gift!
Grief has returned as we adjust to life once more. But it is comforting to know that Bella has her puppy back. 

Random Acts of Kindness

A few days before Aria’s birth, I was out for lunch with some friends when a kind woman who was sitting alone asked me if I knew what I was having. When I told her I was expecting a baby girl, her eyes lit up and she asked me if she could be my baby’s Easter Bunny. We started talking and found out we have a lot in common, including that we are both angel mommies. I don’t believe in coincidences and am grateful to have met this kind soul. Her and her husband came by today and totally spoiled my baby girl. Everything is brand new and was in need of a good home. Although they would not accept anything in return, the happiness and love on their faces said it all. I will be paying it forward! ❤️