Month: July 2015

5 Rules to Follow When Tragedy Strikes

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Tragedies happen when it’s least expected and can be quite traumatic. People react in different ways, often as instinct rather than taking the time to be mindful about our reactions and how they may affect others, especially the people affected by the tragedy first hand. After losing a friend yesterday and experiencing another trauma, I felt the need to remind people of how their actions and reactions can deeply affect others following a tragedy.

 
1. HELP THE PERSON IN TROUBLE. It is everyone’s responsibility to help! This sounds simple but isn’t always easy to do. Take a deep breath and try to stay grounded. Call 9-1-1 immediately or help the person who placed the call. If they ask you do something, don’t hesitate as there is a reason they are giving instructions. Those seconds of hesitation could be very costly.

 
2. KEEP THE CROWD TO A MINIMUM. No one wants people to witness them when they are vulnerable. Crowds tend to gather because people are curious to know what happened. Be mindful of how the victim(s) may feel and put yourself in their shoes.

 
3. OFFER SUPPORT TO WITNESSES. When you see people in shock, offer to help rather than be an observer. If you are not helping, your presence in unnecessary and probably unwanted. Something as simple as providing tissue and a drink of water goes a long way. Offer to call a support person for them.

 
4. KEEP INFORMATION PRIVATE! Nothing upsets me more than reading inappropriate posts on Facebook that can be very upsetting to people who know the person affected, especially family. Be mindful when asking questions or posting names as it takes time to notify family. Details about an incident should NEVER be shared on social media sites (unless it’s family choosing to). Be respectful!!!!

 
5. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY. Be mindful of what you say as stories get turned around very quickly. It’s sad when rumours get started. If you are uncertain of details, be truthful in what you know, and if you aren’t sure what happened, say so! Rumours cause even more pain. When Bella passed, the rumour around town was that it was Hudson, not Bella, and that he drowned in our pool. People turned that into me being a neglectful mother and not properly supervising my son. There was no pool or neglect involved and it was quite disgusting to hear. If you have nothing supportive to say, don’t say anything at all. Curiosity does not equal support so again, please be respectful!

 
To anyone affected by trauma, please seek professional assistance as required and speak to someone you trust about the incident as soon as possible. Be gentle with yourself. Self-care is very important.
I am sending so much love to everyone affected by tragedy and trauma.
#StayStrong❤️

Lessons in Grief

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The lessons we learn often mean more to us when we reflect on them after a period of time has passed. I may not have have the time to sit with my thoughts as often as I would like, but each time I do I learn something new about my grief journey. It is really hard to look at pictures of Bella. Despite my strength and how far I have come, looking back on the memories we made together causes me to break. It’s not the same kind of pain that used to surface but it is definitely painful to think about all that is missing. 
I am fortunate to have many memories with Bella captured in photos. I spent all day yesterday organizing thousands of photos I took with my iPhone this past year. Yes, THOUSANDS! When Hudson was a baby, I began to fear forgetting moments of his life. I feared forgetting the sound of his cry, the smell of his hair, his facial expressions and the cute things he would do. After Bella was born, I feared these things even more. I even feared forgetting the sound of her cry after hearing it 9 hours a day for 3.5 months. I thought I was crazy but I somehow knew that I would lose a child someday. I felt a need to have more than one child in case something ever happened to one of my children. I assumed those thoughts were normal fears but now know it was my intuition preparing me for the inevitable.
My intuition is what led me to take so many pictures, and I am so thankful for listening to my inner voice. I took photos of Bella almost every day of her life, many of which I still have not seen. The purpose of Project Life was to post a photo of her for each day of her life, as many days that I was able to. I hoped to complete it before I returned to work, but I returned sooner than I had anticipated. I don’t think I was ready to look through all those photos yet. I’m still not sure I am ready, or if I will ever be. I look at some, a little at a time, whenever I need a dose of my angel. 
Photos are memories we never have to fear forgetting. They are moments captured forever. I shouldn’t feel rushed to complete my project as there is no time limit on it. Project Life will not expire. Bella’s photos won’t fade. My memories are safe and I will share them with the world when I am ready. 

Deep Healing

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It’s finally Saturday and I’m grateful for the opportunity to stay in bed. The last few weeks have been very busy and I can’t seem to shake the exhaustion. For the first time in a long time it’s not emotional but due to lack of sleep. 
I have felt significantly different since my return from Maui. Many experiences during my trip changed me and helped me heal. Meeting Doreen Virtue and Wayne Dyer was incredible and listening to them speak was powerful. I felt something shift inside of me. 
The time I spent on the beach was sacred. I felt safe and allowed the pain inside to surface. I explored all the sources of this pain, some of which surprised me. In feeling it, I accepted it then forgave myself for anything I felt guilty of. The waves washed away the deepest of my pain, which has not returned. I will always feel pain that Bella is not here with me physically, but it’s not the same dark pain that was taking me over. 
My experience on Haleakala summit was another incredible experience. We were there to watch the sun rise at 10,000 ft elevation, above the clouds. Being an empath, I have always been sensitive to what others feel, but I was vulnerable that morning. A woman was behind me and angry that I was standing in front of her and asked me to move (which was an unreasonable request considering where we were). When I kindly refused to move it was as though she threw daggers of anger at me. My knees were weak, I felt dizzy and I her anger felt like pain in my chest. I was searching for my “White Angelica” essential oil (which I use for protection against negative energy) but I couldn’t find it because I could barely see. My new friend who was beside me knew what was happening and walked me through breathing and protecting myself until it passed. 
I was there with a group of women and after the sun came up we had a group meditation. Our new friend went around the circle and said a few special words to each of us. When it was my turn, she spoke about Bella. My eyes were closed and I could see a ball of light, which was pure love, above me. The light then entered my body and became one with me. I know it was Bella, and in that moment love filled all of the cracks in my shattered soul. She was with me, in me, and was never going to leave. It was miraculous.
Several weeks after my life-changing trip, I lay in bed and think about these experiences. I knew intuitively that I was coming home to many changes, and now I am watching these changes unfold. I knew my life would never be the same. 
The first of these changes became official this week when I accepted a new employment opportunity. I feel that I found my niche and I am excited to start this new journey. 
It’s time to embrace change.
Life is good!
#StayStrong❤️

Choose Love

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My parents always taught me to treat others as you want to be treated. I come from a very loving family and had an ideal childhood. I grew up surrounded by love. This was what I thought was the norm, how all families were. The harsh reality of adulthood is you begin to see the world for what it really is. I am thankful for my family and grateful for the values my parents instilled in me. 
Sadly, my ideal childhood is not as common as I once thought. It can be difficult to understand other people and their motives when they treat others with malice and cruelty. I don’t understand how anyone could think it’s acceptable to do that to others. It’s not even acceptable to do that to yourself. Do some people really hurt that much inside that they feel such a strong need to make others feel pain too? Is that what causes cruelty? 
I have always been an internalizer and directed negativity toward myself. I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and I almost died from anorexia when I was 19. I know what it feels like to hate myself, but by practicing self-love, the negativity evaporated. So what is different between someone who directs their hatred outward instead? 
Maybe there isn’t much difference at all. Maybe there is. I only know what I have experienced. It’s a normal human reaction to want to make others feel pain after they have caused you pain (as children will impulsively hit another child who hit them). But what about the innocent person who hasn’t done a thing? How do they become the target? 
Bella tells me “love heals all” and I really believe that’s true! She also tells me that this world will eventually know peace, and I believe she is right. But how can we ever get there when such hateful and angry people exist?
The answer is LOVE! But how can you send someone love when they hurt you over and over again? How do you put it all aside and remain focused on what is important? 
I believe in Karma. I believe that our experiences can shape our personalities and affect how we react to things. But every single person, no matter what happened to them in their past, has a CHOICE! You get to choose how you treat others. No one forces that on you.
The beauty of it is that you also get to choose how others treat you. You set the standard for that, no one else! But you can’t treat someone unfairly and expect not to get the same in return. If you act a certain way toward someone, how can you get mad when they do the same thing back?
Hurting others will not take away your pain! 
Choose love instead.


#ChooseLove #StayStrong❤️

SoulShift

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Everything in the Universe unfolds as it should when the time is right. There is no such thing as coincidence, but as your soul awakens you often see synchronicities. Things begin to happen that seem impossible, as though there is something greater causing these things to happen. People will come into your life at exactly the right time and will offer exactly what you need at that moment. Doors will begin to open, opportunities you could only have dreamed of, but it becomes real because you set the intention for these things to occur. As your eyes open wider, you gain a greater understanding of the Universe and divine order and you grasp the concept of manifestation. We are all creators of our own reality. Thoughts are creative , they are energy. Thought is a powerful force that will attract exactly what you want it to, whether that be intentional or not. Once we understand this we can begin to change our thoughts to adjust our reality to what we envision it to be. It then makes sense to clear out all the negative thoughts and ideas because no one would ever consciously choose to create negativity. This is part of the soul shift, the waking up. We fully understand that everything becomes a CHOICE! And the things you can’t control, you can always control your reaction to it. Be careful what you think because it will become your reality.
Much Love ❤️

Seeking Solitude

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Once a social butterfly, I am now a solitude seeker. The shift didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow progression, but I do know the process began just after Bella was born. Colic has that affect on a person. The constant crying was torture and she was literally in my arms close to 24 hours a day. If she fell asleep, she would wake the second I put her down. I learned fast that all my baby girl wanted was to be in my arms. She slept with me, in my arms, her entire life. I would have given just about anything for 5 minutes to myself. 
I began recognizing the importance of my time alone when I started coming back from my dark days. I don’t talk about this experience much but I went through a depression in my early days as a single mom. It wasn’t until I started setting time aside for myself that I was able to break through the darkness. It was about learning to love and respect myself and make myself a priority. You can’t take proper care of anyone unless you take care of yourself first!
I started with a nightly ritual of a “calming” bath with candles and essential oils. Some nights I was only able to enjoy a few minutes to myself before Bella would wake up and start screaming, but that was better than nothing. It didn’t take long for me to look forward to this “me” time and within a few weeks I began to notice changes. I was finally taking care of myself and it was paying off.
Sometimes we don’t understand the importance of something until we are without it. I have been feeling the effects of my busy schedule and haven’t had much time alone since I came home from Maui. This week has especially been challenging and my “cranky” side came out tonight so I decided I needed to make myself a priority. Sometimes, everything else can wait! I feel better for it already! 
The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself when was the last time you had a moment to yourself to relax, unwind and recharge your batteries. Remember to make time for yourself. You will appreciate it and the people around you will thank you for it too. 😉

A Year Since Goodbye

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A year ago today we said goodbye to our princess. We celebrated her life and all the love and lessons she brought. A princess party for my Bella Angel.
I’ve been gathering my writings and organizing them as I prepare to start my book. Reading back to where I was so soon after her transition amazes me. I honestly don’t remember much from the weeks following that tragic day. I remember how numb I felt. I remember feeling her arms around me, constantly hugging me. I remember the moment I allowed myself to feel pain and how in that moment, I stopped breathing. I almost died, or perhaps I did die. Whatever happened that day changed me.


I now see how my “death” happened to allow me to see beyond what my human self could perceive. I knew my truth and immediately wanted to share what I knew with the world in hopes of helping others heal. Even though parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children, it happens every day. The sad part is that not everyone can see that their child never left them. Bella is not dead and her energy, her consciousness, is still very prominent in my home and I expect it will always be this way. 
I may wonder how I could have been so strong so soon, but I’ve always known the answer. Bella wouldn’t have it any other way.
I don’t remember ever reading her obituary but it was beautiful and perfect, just like her. Thank you, family, for taking care of things when I couldn’t. I love you all so much.❤️

Click HERE to read Bella’s obituary.

A Memory Shared

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July 1, 2012 – I had no idea what journey was a head of us. I knew I loved you but didn’t understand the depth of my love. I knew I would do anything for you but didn’t know the lengths I’d be forced to go. Our journey together wasn’t an easy one, but it wasn’t meant to be. We got one thing right though, baby girl; pure unconditional love.❤️

“No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” 

-Kristen Proby