Communicating With Bella through Brian the Medium

Two busy days in a row and this momma is beyond exhausted. Bella told me to stop procrastinating, so today I made some big plans and others things fell into my lap. My trip to Hawaii is booked and so is my meeting with the coroner. Now to finalize a start date back to work so I can start a new chapter in the movie of my life. 
My appointment with Brian yesterday was amazing. Bella had a lot to say, as always. I haven’t heard or seen her in a while but she reassured me that she will “show” herself to me again soon, that I need this “physical” connection to heal. She said she’s proud of me, of how far I’ve come. She wishes she had told me more that she loved me, so her way of telling me now is by sending me hearts. I have been receiving some hearts as signs (like the one imprinted on my chest) the other day) but the first one that came to mind was a heart shaped rock a little girl gave me. This rock was sitting on her piano and I had asked her mom to learn a few songs for me. When she played “Innocence” by Avril Lavigne, the rock fell off the piano. I will be singing this song in a show this week. 
She talked about the man of my dreams and about how happy she is for us. He came into my life at the perfect time to help heal my heart. She said we are made for each other and have been together many lifetimes. Of course him and I already knew this but confirmation is always nice to hear. She talked about her brothers, all 4 of them, and how she sees us all spending time together. 
She said that I would be going to a place that has high energy, a vortex. A tropical island was mentioned. Maui is a very sacred place with high energy and is a major energy vortex and one of the earth’s chakra points (heart chakra). I have been planning to go there to attend a writer’s workshop. I booked my trip today! According to Bella, I will be writing a book that will be a major part of my life purpose. 
My return to work is coming soon. She said it won’t be easy but I need to do it. I will feel better once I get back into routine and it will be good to be back in society. She said I’m still pretty flighty but exercise (yoga) and meditation will help with that. She also suggested to wear a dark crystal on my left wrist. I’ve been wearing a rainbow hematite bracelet on my left wrist that has been helping me feel grounded.
I already knew that my best friend is a medium but this was discussed and my friend was given some advice. Bella said she often gives me messages through my friend. It was one of the gifts that came from this tragedy. I am blessed to have this friend in my life.
A ring and possibly another baby are coming my way… At some point. She reassured me that this baby won’t be replacing her but a part of her will be coming back to me through this baby, who will have a lot of similar qualities to Bella. 
Mediums can be such a powerful tool for healing. It’s amazing what can come out in sessions. I have spoken to several and heal a little more each time. Tom and I recently listened to the recording of my last session with Brian and were blown away by the accuracy of the reading. Bella really is with me at all times. This is very comforting. It helps me #StayStrong❤️

Some days will always be harder than others. Today is one of those days. Not because I’m laying in bed feeling the waves of pain, or because I have no energy, or because anything happened to upset me. Today is a difficult day because I feel the emptiness inside of me. I’m making efforts and that can be quite a challenge.
I still find it difficult to do anything with Hudson that would have involved Bella. It’s not always easy to be out around other kids, especially those close to Bella’s age or who are close to the age she was when she transitioned. Today we went to the high school where they had inflatables for the kids. I sat and watched the kids play. It felt abnormal. I never get to sit when I’m out with my kids. I’m always too busy chasing Bella. I’m not sure that I’ll ever get used to not chasing her. Looking over at the inflatables for the younger children, I felt that I should have been there, in the other room, with her. Instead I sat on the bleachers feeling broken. 
I’m feeling pain today. Missing Bella is a physical pain. Sometimes it feels like I’m being stabbed, other times it feels like my heart is literally being ripped out of my chest. Today, the pain is an ache that I feel deep in my heart. It’s a pain that will never fade completely. So how do you deal with it and continue living?
You just DO! Because you have to. It’s definitely a choice, but to me the alternative would be too difficult for those surrounding me. I do it for them. My family is okay as long as I am. I have to be okay because if I’m not, I couldn’t bare to let my loved ones down, to see them worry needlessly and feel more pain. 
Life isn’t easy. It’s not supposed to be. I believe that we chose to experience the things that life throws at us, and someday we will know why. I now understand why I went through everything I did up until my baby girl left this realm. I went though it all in order to make me strong enough to get through this. I’m not sure I’m as strong as people make me out to be, but I know that I’m not weak. We are what we believe ourselves to be and what we choose to be. I look at my son and promise him that I will be strong for him. He depends on that. I am also strong for myself because I know I deserve to live. Bella wants me to be happy, so I also live for HER! 
I cried as I wrote this then went to the washroom to freshen up. I looked in the mirror and noticed that Bella’s urn pendent left a mark on my chest which would be strange to anyone else because nothing was pushing on it but I’m used to odd things happening around me. We always give Bella credit for these things. I questioned if I should post this and the response I got was “she wears her heart on the outside for all the world to see.” So here it is. Thank you Bella👼🌈


Life is unpredictable. The sad reality is we bring children into this world and aren’t always fortunate enough to see them every day. Sometimes things happen that prevents us from being able to hug and kiss our babies. To all the parents who are with their kids right now, please do me a favour and give your babies an extra hug and kiss from me today. Have a little bit more patience with them and spend a little more time doing something special. Not everyone is so fortunate so please make every moment count. Much love ❤️

I’ve had a lot on my mind but haven’t been able to write, not for lack of trying but because the words won’t flow. The pain is back, but I welcome it because it makes Bella seem more real to me. For a while it was as though she were a dream, but what we had was very real and the pain allows me to remember that.
My last post was a big one that reached thousands of people. Reactions to it were very mixed and I want to clarify that I don’t blame anyone for what happened. I simply listed facts about Bella’s health and certain events that occurred the weeks preceding her death. I hope to find answers as to how such a heathy child became so ill in case I can help prevent this from happening to another family. 
In 3 short weeks I will be getting ready for my first day back to work. I have very mixed feelings about it but know that it is what I need to do. It feels as though my brain shut down when Bella transitioned and I have concerns about my ability to do my job. I am slowly making progress, which is encouraging, but it’s still scary to think you may not be capable of doing something you used to be so passionate about. It’s time to push myself a little bit more to see just what I am capable of. #StayStrong❤️