Message From The Past


This popped up on my Facebook newsfeed today and blew me away. I posted this 2 years ago. I don’t remember writing this but I do remember posting this photo. It was a big deal for me to post this because I coped with colic in private. It was (at the time) my worst nightmare. 9+ hours of screaming every single day for 3.5 months was absolute torture, and a baby who only slept in my arms (a reality that never changed).

I still have a difficult time thinking about my early days with Bella because we didn’t have an easy start. I would give anything to have happy memories with my newborn baby girl. Instead I remember a time I don’t even want to think about. I wouldn’t wish colic upon my worst enemy. But instead of holding onto anger and resentment, 2 years ago I chose to let the world know how I felt in hopes that it would reach someone in need.

Bella was my rainbow long before she left this realm. Her life purpose was to teach me, and she continues to do so and will continue to for the rest of my life. I will hold onto every memory we have together, good and bad, and hold them all close to my heart. I am deeply grateful for every second I had with her.

To all the parents complaining about stress, life, and especially parenthood, please take a moment to count your blessings. You can sit there and complain about what life has thrown at you or you can stand up, hold your head high and say Thank You! Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the opportunities. Thank you for the joyful memories. Those happy moments make all the difficult times worth it a million times over.

I feel so blessed to have spent an entire weekend with people who were not uncomfortable with my truth. Not one single person reacted in discomfort when I told them about Bella. This was extremely unexpected. I am grateful to be around like-minded people who understand the illusion of death. 45 minutes before I landed on Maui, the kind lady I sat with on the plane asked me how many children I have. I answered honestly, as I always will. I then spent the next 45 minutes wanting to hug her, to comfort her and explain why everything is okay. 
It’s a wonderful feeling when anyone asks me about Bella. I WANT to talk about her and I always will. The fact that she’s no longer here in her physical form does not take her presence away from me. It does not mean I will be sad for the rest of my life. In fact, I am grateful she was here for 19 months and I will hold on to those memories for all of eternity. She is still here with me, just in a different form.
Don’t pity me because I lost my daughter. Be happy for me because I had the opportunity to be Bella’s mommy. 
Bella, thank you for being my angel.
Click HERE for article: “To The Mom I Didn’t Mind Making Uncomfortable At The Playgroung”
#PracticeGratitude #StayStrong❤️