I miss being the first one up. It’s when I felt most inspired to write and it’s the only time the words flow out effortlessly. I also miss staying up late to read after everyone goes to bed. I miss my family all being here. Life has to go on for all of us, but I’m just not ready.
It feels as though time is standing still for me as I watch everyone around me live their lives. New babies, new jobs, new apartments in new cities, new opportunities for new lives. I am stagnant yet everyone around me is moving on. I wouldn’t want it any other way. My time will come too but that time is not now.
For me it’s been new ways of communicating with my daughter, new ways she makes her presence known, new books to help me get through this difficult transition and a new me that is the result of all these things. 
For me it’s still about being strong for my family while we wait for answers.
For me is coping with all the change, and that unfortunately means less of many things. Less people around, less commotion, less hugs, less chaos. Oh how I miss the chaos. 
I miss my grandmother visiting us every day. I miss waking up with 2 kids cuddling in my bed. I miss my good morning “I won’t ever let you go” hugs. I miss Barney and Elmo. I miss watching Hudson and Bella play, laugh and be silly. I miss seeing Hudson be the best, most loving big brother in the world. I miss not being able to take my eyes off her for a second because she was fearless and a safety hazard. I miss trying to get things done and her being at my feet complaining that I wasn’t giving her attention. I miss the sleepless nights and the frustration of getting Bella to bed every single night of her short life. I even miss the days of colic!
I would go back to the most difficult days of my life because I would give anything to see my baby girl again. She has pushed me (over and over) to limits I never knew existed. I learned so much from her in such a short time. 
Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Being a single parent is even harder, and then multiply that by 2! Everyone has bad days, and it’s ok to occasionally vent about it, but just remember that there are people out there who would give anything to have those bad days once again💔. In an instant, all my frustration suddenly became a permanent hole, a wound so great that nothing can ever make it better. 
Those difficult days are a blessing. 
“Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” -Marilyn Monroe
Here is a peek at one of our many challenging days, but I still managed to find the happy moments❤️

#StayStrong❤️ #Appreciation #DifficultDays #FindTheHappy

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