It’s going to take a lot of hard work in order for me to be happy. Life may not be easy, but it’s not supposed to be. If it were, we wouldn’t learn anything. Bella chose me to be her mom for a reason and now I have to prove to her that I can handle this. I am going to dig myself out if this hole.
The day after Bella died, I almost died too. I went into cardiac arrest. It was a very close call. I had a choice to make, and I chose life. When I was “unconscious” I was actually with Bella. I saw a tunnel and the bright white light. It’s real. Heaven is just beyond that light and I was reaching towards it. I really wanted to be with my baby girl. What she told me was that Hudson needed me more than she did. Because of him, I chose life.
Choosing life, however, differs from choosing to live. I have been existing, but I haven’t been living. I need to start living, for Hudson’s sake. My little boy, my whole world, is the reason I need to live and be happy. I’ve always been able to do anything for my kids, so I need to pull myself together. For Hudson, because he needs me. For Bella, because it’s what she wants me to do.
Bella has been giving me pointers on how I can get back on track. Being outside helps. Grass soothes my soul and keeps me grounded, so today I made an indoor grass mat. Now I can have grass under me every single day. I also need to get back to using my oils more. I’ve been avoiding them. Maybe unconsciously I’ve been staying away from them because I know they help and I wanted to feel depressed.
I was more productive today than I have been in months! It felt great, and I still had energy to take Hudson to the park. This is what living is all about!
Today, I choose to #StayStrong❤️

Today, I choose to LIVE!