I’ve had a lot on my mind but haven’t been able to write, not for lack of trying but because the words won’t flow. The pain is back, but I welcome it because it makes Bella seem more real to me. For a while it was as though she were a dream, but what we had was very real and the pain allows me to remember that.
My last post was a big one that reached thousands of people. Reactions to it were very mixed and I want to clarify that I don’t blame anyone for what happened. I simply listed facts about Bella’s health and certain events that occurred the weeks preceding her death. I hope to find answers as to how such a heathy child became so ill in case I can help prevent this from happening to another family. 
In 3 short weeks I will be getting ready for my first day back to work. I have very mixed feelings about it but know that it is what I need to do. It feels as though my brain shut down when Bella transitioned and I have concerns about my ability to do my job. I am slowly making progress, which is encouraging, but it’s still scary to think you may not be capable of doing something you used to be so passionate about. It’s time to push myself a little bit more to see just what I am capable of. #StayStrong❤️

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