Healing in Maui

Emotional healing requires work, and this can put a strain on your body. A week in paradise for me was actually time spent on healing and took effort. The location made it easier for me to do this work but I have to remind myself that just because I was on Maui does not mean I was on vacation.
I may have spent some time relaxing and exploring, typical things people do on vacation, but the rest of the time was about deep soul work. This involved feeling, writing, and looking into the hole in my heart and searching for truths I was too afraid to see before that time.
Learning about yourself is difficult because sometimes we don’t want to admit things to ourselves. Some things are simply too painful to admit and the fear of what those thoughts can do to us physically can prevent them from surfacing. I believe that holding these thoughts inside can cause much more pain than releasing them and working through issues. This is why it was so important for me to do this. 
In Maui, I let the truth come. It flooded out of me so fast that I didn’t realize what happened. I reached for the sand and held on for my life. But a moment later, once I caught my breath, I realized I was still alive. The truth was painful, but it didn’t stop my heart this time.
I can’t speak for others who have experienced this but for me dying once was enough. The day after Bella left me, I chose to go with her. The bright white tunnel of light really does exist and your loved ones really are on the other side waiting for you. I know because I have seen it. I begged Bella to grab my hand and take me with her. Her words were clear: “Hudson needs you more.”
I accepted coming back so I could be Hudson’s mommy. But since that day I have feared facing the pain because now that I have made the choice to live, I don’t want to leave my son. I feared going back to the source of that near death experience would lead me to that same place. 
Emotional pain hurts physically. Losing my child was the worst pain I have ever felt. I’m strong enough now to face it. My fear of death is gone. 
My soul healing journey on Maui left my immune system depleted and my body is struggling to get back to normal. This is a small price to pay for the amount of healing that took place. I need to rest and get back on my feet but once things are back to normal (whatever that means), I can finally begin the next chapter of my healing journey. 


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