The Calm of Grief: A Moment of Gratitude 

Grief is a continual process. The roller coaster is not one you can disembark. It’s a ride you must learn to adjust to. There are always unexpected turns, bumps that will jolt you, and quick drops that will push your stomach into your throat. There will also be calm moments that allow you to enjoy the scenery, but as any bereaved parent knows, these calm moments are temporary breaks between the chaos and grief inevitably reappears often crashing into you knocking you off your feet.
This is a moment of calm. This is my time to enjoy the blessings in life. 
I am so blessed by this new life I brought into the world. Her scent is sweet and her energy is pure. Aria is a melody of love but her song is not one without pain. Reminders of what is missing will appear every day for the rest of my life. It is this pain, however, that reminds me to be present. It has brought a natural desire to be all I can for this little life that is entirely dependent on me. I am determined to be nothing less.
Her sister shines through her more than I expected. Bella’s presence is strong but has shifted from what it was. I can’t yet describe this shift but it feels different somehow. Memories are painful right now and as much as I fight to remember, I understand the importance of continuing to experience this grief. It is healthy and a fundamental part of the healing process.
Aria can’t take away my pain, but her love fills me up. Our family is complete and I feel as whole as I ever will. Now I force myself to remember through these tears. 
I came across this video today which I had completely forgotten about. A quick snapshot at our happy life. Memories to cherish for all of eternity. A piece of what is missing.
Someday it will be my job to teach Aria all about her big sister. It starts here.
Click HERE to view the video.

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