I have mastered putting grief in a box and leaving it on the shelf. Time has taught me that dust never settles on this box as the lid opens itself at unexpected times and let’s bits of grief escape. It’s when these broken pieces begin to show up unannounced that I realize my priorities need to shift. Grief won’t subside until you give it the attention it demands. It never fully leaves as it resides within you, but over time the pressure builds and it’s important to relieve it before the pressure is too great. 
Tonight, I made grief my priority. In doing this, I realized my pain is much more complex this time. Postpartum hormones are still in effect, but having another daughter to love and care for creates complexity I was unable to prepare for yet fully expected. My emotions aside, caring for a new baby changes everything in your life and you are no longer a priority! 
This video was shared with my today and it reminded me to make myself a priority for a short while. When our cup is empty, we have nothing left to give others, but my cup was full of grief. It will take time to empty this cup of the darkness before I can fill it with light, but the process has begun.
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She eases her broken self gently into the calm water. The wave surrounds her and caresses her as she falls apart. The memories that were forgotten create a new pain reminding her what is lost. A precious life that cannot be regained. Moments that can’t be relived, because once a moment is gone, you can’t get it back… She envisions the past and anger surfaces. She feels angry that she had to learn such tough life lessons. Her past traumas erased by the greatest trauma any mother could face. She misses her child and aches to reunite with her. The thoughts flow through her as tears fall, every tear shedding pain. She gracefully hugs herself as she opens her eyes. She looks down at her arm and reminds herself to #StayStrong❤
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