It’s hard to believe it’s already been 2 years since the best day of my life. It’s even harder to believe that she’s not here to celebrate it with us. My heart fills with love when I remember that amazing moment I saw my baby girl for the first time. My heart then shatters into a million pieces when I realize how brief my time was with her.
The day before is always harder. I think it’s the anticipation. It’s a gift that I can get the negative emotions out a day early so that I can enjoy the important day, but I was a complete disaster yesterday. The pain was unbearable. Fortunately for me, I am surrounded by people who love me and were right by my side.
Bella’s birthday bash has been a much needed distraction. I’ve been keeping very busy preparing for her big day tomorrow. Distractions are great but it feels amazing to be able to continue doing things for her.
Since the last few days have been so busy, I’m taking a few minutes now to remember the day of Isabella’s birth. I just came across a letter my niece (who was also my doula) wrote to Bella about her birth. Everyone has such a unique birth story. Here is mine and Bella’s:
The Birth of Isabella Maria Kasner
Isabella, I am addressing this to you because I wish that I could have something as precious as this. This is the story of the day you were born, and I hope one day you cherish it as I would.
Your mom texted me at 1:47 am on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012. She wanted to know how she could tell if her water had broken, since she noticed some fluid come out in the toilet. I reassured her that it could be her water, but it is most likely her mucous plug, which is what comes out first before you go into labour. I told her to try and get some sleep since I anticipated that you would be coming shortly. At 6:14 am, mom texted me again saying that the midwife, Ali, said to go to the hospital soon since she thought she was in early labour. Her contractions were 3 to 5 minutes apart and lasting about 50 seconds. Your mom and dad left for New Liskeard at 8:00 am, and your brother Hudson stayed with Nonna and Grandpa. The midwife arrived shortly after your parents and checked mom’s dilation at 9:45. She was 2 cm dilated and almost fully effaced, which means her cervix was almost paper thin. Your head was all the way down, which meant you were on your way! Your mom really enjoyed sitting on the toilet to help with the contractions. Zia Lori and I arrived at the hospital at lunchtime. Your mom was in the middle of a contraction when we walked in, but kept her focus to get through it. Your dad was very supportive of your mom during her contractions and knew exactly how to calm her down. Her contractions were still about 50 seconds long, but were now occurring every two minutes. She was 4 cm and fully effaced, which meant she was now in active labour. Ali was very helpful in using encouraging words to help your mom get through her contractions. She also brought in a birth stool as an option, but your mom did not need it. Your mom was very good at listening to her body and switching positions during her labour. She got on her knees beside the bed and began to feel like she had to push at about 1:15. Her water broke close to this time and it was a perfectly clear fluid, which means that you didn’t poop! (always a good sign). The midwife frequently checked your heart rate. It fluctuated between 130 and 145 which meant you were very excited to meet your family! Your mom got on her hands and knees on the bed and was swinging her hips back and forth. She had found her rhythm, which is exactly what she had to do. The midwife checked your mom’s dilation one more time, and decided that she would push back the last centimeter of cervix, since your head was right there! Your mom began to push at 1:45 on her hands and knees, and she did an amazing job. Your head came out at about 2:08 and you were born at 2:11. Everyone cried. It was a moment of pure bliss. Your mom was given a shot of oxytocin in her leg and yelled louder than she did giving birth to you! There was a large amount of bleeding after your placenta came out, and was considered a postpartum hemorrhage. Thankfully everything was ok. You were a whopping 9 pounds 3.5 ounces and 21 inches long. Everyone was blown away about how big you were since your brother was only 7 pounds and your mom was only one day overdue! The midwife showed everyone the different parts of the placenta and gave it to me to dehydrate and encapsulate (for your mom to ingest to help with postpartum symptoms). The midwife left and Zia Lori and I gave your mom and dad a few moments to spend with their new beautiful baby girl. I am truly blessed to have been able to experience this wonderful journey with your mother and you. I hope that one day you realize the miracle of birth, and realize that you were brought into this world in the most calm, natural, loving and beautiful environment possible.
And to you Auntie Angie…Thank you for letting me be part of this. I can’t express the gratitude that I feel for being able to be part of your special journey and the fact that you trusted me throughout this experience.