As I sit in the car, I think. My brain never stops, although more often than not, I try to turn it off. I welcome the thoughts today. It’s a long drive to our 30km destination due to a bit of snow. The 401 is slow moving, so I have a lot of time to think.
Losing Bella has changed me. What most people don’t know is that I’ve experienced many events over the last several years that have all changed me in some way. Bella changed me! She alone has hanged me more than anything. Conceiving her changed my outlook. Birthing her changed my perception of my body. The experience of her colic pushed me to limits I never knew existed and forced me to learn what patience is. Becoming a single mother changed how I handle things and taught me about priorities. Going back to work as a newly single mom taught me that I need to take care of ME before I can take care of anyone else. Bella’s father’s car accident taught me to depend on no one but myself. These are only a few things I’ve learned.
Losing Bella taught me the most. It taught me that no matter how terrible life is, in one split second everything can change for the worse. That no matter how bad things are, the most difficult and challenging times if your life teach you the most. To embrace life as it comes to you because it can all be taken away without notice. 
When I look back at the most difficult time in my life (life with Bella), I now see the best days of my life! Bella taught me more in her short 19 months than any other person I’ve ever met. She challenged me and because I loved her unconditionally, I did what was necessary without questioning it. She taught me how to be strong. It’s as though she came to teach me what she needed to in order to prepare me for when she needed to leave me. 
I read a quote the other day (of course I can’t find it now) about how no matter how bad a situation is, there is always something good in it; the key is to find the good. I told Tom that I had a hard time believing it. I just realized that it’s true. No matter how bad life is, there really is something good to be found everywhere. Losing Bella has pushed me to be the best person I can be. It has taught me that the spirit world is not separate from this world. We are all connected and never cease to be. She taught me how to be strong, and by leaving me she forced me to demonstrate the strength she instilled in me. This strength can hopefully show others that their challenges aren’t as bad as they seem. If I can be strong, I believe anyone can be!
When life is difficult, remember that everything is temporary. When life is good, remember that it won’t last forever. Good times and bad are only a matter of perspective and you can’t enjoy the positive without knowing the bad. Embrace every moment as it comes and try to see the beauty in every day. And most of all, #StayStong❤️

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