My heart feels heavy. I can’t breathe. I don’t know who I was trying to kid when I said Christmas would be okay. Of course it’s not okay. Nothing is okay right now. 
I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Boxing Day. I want it to be over with. It’s the first year that I didn’t enjoy wrapping gifts. It’s the first year I want to seclude myself. It doesn’t even feel like Christmas.
I’m sending love and prayers out to all the angel parents, especially those who are celebrating Christmas for the first time without our children. 
I feel blessed to have my son to force me to experience Christmas this year. Because of him, I need to push through these feelings of hopelessness. We all need to #StayStrong❤️
Merry Christmas in Heaven, Bella. Mommy aches for you… 💔